


"maybe in the future, i'll hate you instead of wanting to kiss you,"

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and unhealthy for luke, ida forgive me, im an awful person, im sorry, no happy ending, no there isnt one, not really in this tho, the boys are mentioned - Freeform, this is so fucking sad, unless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 13:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4963051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is garbage and it's just</p>
<p>it's there</p>
            </blockquote>





	"maybe in the future, i'll hate you instead of wanting to kiss you,"

**Author's Note:**

> ida forgive for i have sinned

**i.** **** **_i hate the way talk to me, and the way you cut your hair, i hate the way you drive my car, i hate it when you stare_ **

Luke watches Michael talk to Calum animatedly about how he’s fringe free now and it makes Luke want to stab something. Luke picks at his own hair absently and chews his free hand’s fingernails wondering if he should get a haircut that doesn’t make him look like a small child. Luke looks back over at Michael and feels his cheeks burn hotly when he finds Michael’s eyes boring into his own, eyebrows raised and mouthing, “Your fingers are bleeding,” before turning back to Calum.

Luke drops his hand like he’s been burned and walks towards the bathroom, face red from embarrassment and anger, or he thinks its anger.

It’s not until later, when Ashton’s sitting beside him in the backseat of _his own car_ while Michael and Calum chatter idly, that he whispers to Ashton, “I hate him,” and Ashton just giggles and shakes his head because Luke doesn’t hate Michael and they all know it; or maybe it’s when Michael’s called him at four in the morning and whispered softly, “Luke can we go for a drive?” and Luke’s a sucker for how softly Michael can whisper his name when they both know they’re supposed to be sleeping, so he’ll say yes and pick Michael up and let Michael drive his car.

Maybe it’s when Michael’s speeding down an abandoned road and Luke’s gripping his seat for dear life when he says, “You’re gonna kill me one day Michael,”

**ii. _i hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind, i hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme_**

Luke watches Michael clunk around in heavy boots and wonders how many times he’ll wear them or not wear them, or if Michael will leave them lying around for Luke to trip over and have a laugh with his friends. Luke tries to ignore the sounds of Michael stomping around, but continuously finds himself looking back towards Michael. Luke stands himself up and leaves the room, closing the door behind him gently as he walks down the narrowed hallway to where his own apartment is.

Luke wants to hate the sound of Michael laughing and stomping, wants to hate it so bad, but its music to Luke’s ears and it makes him feel a little more at home with himself.

It’s later, when Michael is so high that he can’t see in front of him that he says, “I think you should get over me,” and it makes Luke’s stomach fill with lead. And Luke can only laugh halfheartedly and shove Michael off the couch, because Luke _is over_ Michael and he knows he’s nothing more than his best friend and that’s okay. Or maybe it’s when Michael has his lips pressed to Luke’s temple that Luke feels sick to his stomach because Michael’s lips are so warm and soft, and Luke can’t breathe. It’s probably when Calum tugs Luke’s pink with his own and whispers, “You’ll get over him,” and Luke instantly knows it’s a lie.

It could be when Luke wrote down, “if I had a dime for every time you kissed me, I wouldn’t have missed you,” 

**iii. _i hate the way you’re always right, i hate it when you lie, i hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry_**

Luke’s taken to smoking cigarettes and staying up until the sun blankets the dirty white walls of his apartment in faint orange, he’ll sleep eventually, he thinks. Michael’s always there, in his living room, passed out on the couch with grease stains on his pants and a game controlled unceremoniously thrown on his lap and Luke hates that he loves it. Luke will cover Michael up with the quilt his nan knitted and leave just after the clock says, _7:02 AM_ and wait until Michael’s gone before he can step foot inside his apartment and just sleep.

Luke hates how Michael knows what he’s thinking and even more when he can say, “You know, we should go to that skate park, you like to see people fall,” because he’s right and it makes Luke want to die.

Luke will tell himself that the sound of Michael’s laugh doesn’t make a few soft giggles escape his lips, but he’d be a lying fool and it would make Calum laugh at him and shove his shoulder a little too hard. Luke will be the first to say out loud that he hates the stagnant smell of cheap cologne and perfume that mixes so well on Michael’s clothes because Michael said, “I didn’t sleep with that person,” and everyone within a two mile radius knows Michael Clifford is a grade a liar when it comes to sleeping with people he slept with.

It’s only after the sun has set and Luke’s got red and purple teeth marks on his neck from whoever is soundly asleep next to him that he’ll call Michael and let him say things that make his stomach warm and his eyes wet, and Luke knows Calum’s right, he should just _leave_ but he can’t and he hates it.

**iv. _i hate the way you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call, but mostly i hate the way i don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all_**

Luke moved away from the nearly inhabitable apartment building and into a house with Michael and the others, it’s nice, he thinks. It’s quiet sometimes and Luke can do his homework without the sounds of people fucking, yelling or stomping above him, he almost likes it, he believes. Calum will take him to the bar and he’ll watch people until someone who smells a little like Michael will touch his hand and buy him a drink, or he’ll buy them a drink is their lips are red enough, it’s stupid, he’s aware.

It’s two months after he’s finally unpacked his bathroom that he realizes Michael’s never home, and when he is home, he’s got someone attached to his lap and it makes Luke’s stomach hurt.

Maybe it’s after Luke turned twenty-two he begins to realize, after several drinks that tasted like cherry pie, that Michael wasn’t- didn’t call him on his birthday and Luke wishes he could hit someone or something. Luke mostly wants to call Michael and tell him that he’s always loved him and he probably always will, but he’ll settle for telling Michael with a soft voice, when he asks him to be his best man, “I hate you,” and he’ll settle for someone who smiles almost a bright as Michael does.

He'll always love Michael, Ashton tells him with a soft voice, and Luke will just nod and shove his hand off his shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry


End file.
